echoes of a hate crime

The hatred still lingers in my bones and flesh. I continue to turn it over to God. I was the victim of a hate crime. I was the victim of intimidation. I will not be intimidated. To allow them to intimidate me is to allow them to win. Hatred grows that way. My flag still hangs. My heart is still on my sleeve.

As a child of abuse, I find it so easy to minimize even this. It was only words. They didn’t actually hurt me. They didn’t touch me. I was able to fend them off with my words and my call to the police.

But verbal abuse is still abuse. It is the attempt to incite fear. It is the attempt to push all of us, no matter what it is that makes us different, back into the closet.

I share my story with others and I hear their stories in the process. I hear about friends who regular receive verbal abuse for being themselves. Women and men who don’t fit easily into our cultures norms incite fear in the perpetrators. Their very presence causes people to question themselves. And that questioning brings up anger and hate and they are lashed out against.

Another friend tells me about her boyfriend, a Jewish man living in Corvallis. He has been the victim of hate crimes. His property has been vandalized. People have left hate messages scrawled in chalk on the sidewalk and fence in front of his house. I am stunned. I thought we were beyond that. This is Corvallis, middle class, affluent, forward looking....?

My middle class white neighbors are shocked. Why you? they ask. I tell them it was the rainbow flag and they scratch their heads in disbelief. Most have not been the victims of hate crimes. Most have not experienced direct intimidations or threats due to their identities. Instead they share stories of having their cars broken into and plants trampled in the yard by drunken college-aged youths.

I won’t minimize this. A hate crime is a hate crime even if I was not touched and even if I was wrongly identified. I can feel the affects of the hate crime in my flesh. That is their tool and their power. And I will not give them my power. I will not take down my flag. I will not stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. I will not stop believing that people are good and worthy and divine.