why I am no longer a vegetarian, part 1

I spent many years as a vegetarian. On and off for most of my adult life. When I was pregnant and nursing I’d eat meat. My body wanted it. And so I began listening. Slowly as an adult I have begun to listen to my body over my mind. My mind gets so busy around food and eating. My mind always wants to lose 10 pounds. My mind always thinks I should do something differently. As my mind tries to control the situation I end up eating worse. I end up bingeing. I end up gaining weight when I intend to lose it.

Over the course of the last year I have stopped being a vegetarian. There were a number of factors that came into play. We were overseas and there were fewer options for vegetarians. It was harder to come by some of my staples; soy milk and tofu aren’t to be found in every grocery store. And then there were my family’s food allergies to account for: no wheat and no dairy. No wheat and no dairy and no meat start making the food choices very slim. Jay, my husband, started losing more weight than was healthy for him. I wanted him to eat meat to stay healthy. I knew he was most likely to eat meat if I was also eating meat. Reluctantly I began eating meat again. I called myself a reluctant omnivore.

Slowly, slowly I started introducing more meat into our diets. Easy meats at first. Meats I didn’t have to cook. That was my bottom line for about 8 months. I wouldn’t cook meat. I wasn’t ready to handle it yet. I wasn’t ready for the tactile experience of the meat. I wasn’t ready to face the animal that I was eating.