returning

I took an unexpected break from writing. I needed to regroup and recover myself. The winds of my life pulled me to far in too many directions. I have an abundance of rich and juicy opportunity in my life. I say yes too often and phew, I am blown away by it all.

So, I am saying no to some things and feeling a deep relief and a new opening. I can ground myself on the page again and begin to find words again. I begin a few words praise for the sunrise; gratitude for people who are willing dance and sing wildly and praise the divine within each other. The words flow from there. Ah yes, this is me. A page and a prayer, praise and gratitude. This morning I am grateful for a household that is still asleep on this wet spring break morning. This morning I am grateful that we can all take a week off and stay at home and rest and play and claim our household. This morning I am grateful that I don’t have to go to work at a corporation to pay my bills.

Emerson said “Money often costs too much.” Few of us remember this now. I didn’t even know it until I stepped out of the daily grind of academia. Yes, sometimes I still covet my neighbor’s goods: new cars, winter vacations to warm beaches, landscaped yards and the like. But the cost would be too great. I would have to give up precious time with my children. I would have to give up my art and my meditation. I would have to give up those things that fill my soul and feed me in a way money never could. I have learned that I would rather work for little or nothing, wear my old silly thriftstore clothing, and drive my old car than give up this work that feeds me so clearly and so deeply.

There is a deep shift happening in who I am. My heart and my stomach open. My mind takes a turn and I can feel the world around me change. I can’t find the right words to describe the change. It is as if the world became a little more alive. It feels as if I have stepped through the looking glass. Everything is just a little different than it used to be. I begin to expect magic to happen. I read a little quantum physics and I know that matter can be affected by mind and I begin to imagine that magic is real. The world has shifted.