dreams

Outlaw on a motorcycle
leather coverings so I cannot see his face
70mph wind full blast on his form that
rides by and reminds me
of your last days of freedom

I remember too the days of pain and loss
the falls, the bruises, the darkness of drink
I remember lies, many many lies
so many I could never trust my elders
never trust an adult, they only lie

Here I am now, the adult
I try hard never to lie
Can't be a politician or a saint
because I cannot hold the trust by telling lies
I cannot hold the secret, so don't tell me any

secrets
I hold this skin, I hold this beauty
I hold this self, I hold these children
I hold these lovers and friends

up
I try not to lie, I try to remember the truth
I awake in a near sweat visions
tied in thorns that hold me to this earth
prevent me from dieing, prevent me from crossing over

and yet I do,
finally I cross and I discover a crowded planet,
people everywhere, hungry ghosts by the thousands upon thousands
surrounding me, no space to breath or move, no space to be

"what's it like on the other side?" "crowded"

I don't want to die to
that hell, all those ghosts
but there is something I must let go, must let die
a small purple gecko crawling out from my eye
I reach up and pinch him dead so that I may
walk away

free
ride away in leathers
wind blowing across my facelessness
playa bound