second chakra

Most of this blog writing has been about finding my voice. I am learning to write and speak my thoughts out here in public. It is about opening up my second chakra and trusting the flow of the universe. I have things to say. I am tired of speaking in closets.

I want to change that. I want to learn to speak bigger and louder. And so, I started this blog last year. I started writing and revealing and being in the world. Some people read it, you, and I thank you. Some people comment, I thank you too. But there is still a bit of hiding involved here, I write in my room by myself and post it on this page. I rarely look you in the eye.

Yesterday I took my first voice lessons. I have a lot to learn. I am not tone deaf, no matter what any one said to me as a child. I got some bad lessons that messed up my ear and make it hard to find myself on the scales. But I can hear the differences and I can feel when I am on pitch. Lyle says I will learn. Lyle told me to journal, this work will be as much about emotions as about singing, so here we go. I journal in public now so you get to hear about the finding of my voice. Here is what came up:

I felt confused.
I couldn’t find myself.
I felt off balance.
I don’t know where to be, soprano, alto, even lower.
I don’t know my range.
I can’t tell the difference between being in harmony and being on pitch.
I can feel when I am on but not when I am off.
I hold tension in my neck, jaw and shoulders.

The tension kept creeping back into my throat. I could feel the tears just below the surface. I didn’t cry but I probably will soon. Ahhh, yes, this work is probably also about learning to cry more spontaneously.

Sometimes I wonder why I have to confront all this stuff in myself. Why am I so compelled to walk into the hardest emotional work I can find? But there you have it. I am compelled and I am going to walk there. If you choose to read this you'll get to listen to the process. Thanks.